his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize