I bet he comes in French.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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