I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
