Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
