She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
