i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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