Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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