some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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