glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
honey bunches of taint.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
