I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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