I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
