You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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