so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
