He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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