6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Randomize
