the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
