she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
