apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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