On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
