That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
