I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
