is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
