wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
