I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
