If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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