Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
