OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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