i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
