maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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