Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
