I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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