i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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