I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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