the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I believe in your delicious
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
