then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
