My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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