Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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