booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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