it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
either way he was missing a nipple.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
