So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
