the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
