i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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