what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
