Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
