The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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