Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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