I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
