sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
