At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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