So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
