i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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