my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
