just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
