im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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