the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
