He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
