Will you blow on my dice?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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