do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
