And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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