GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
