very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We are two peas in an std pod
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
