Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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