I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
