So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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