I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
