Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
