Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
