If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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