Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
