Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
