saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
