Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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