Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
