What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
