Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize