Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
