Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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