listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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