THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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