I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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